i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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