please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
