you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
