I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sarcasm needs its own font
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize