you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
