New low: just hacked my moms facebook
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
