I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize