I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this is an emotional support booty call
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize