You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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