based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
