I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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