I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize