How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
