If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
