Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
