operation harelip BJ is a go
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
