i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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