You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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