The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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