Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
