Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
