she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
