Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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