he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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