You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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