Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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