My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
