I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
