I feel like abortions should bother me more
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
