Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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