On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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