Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
