The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
