so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so let's talk penis.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
