Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
