Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
