I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
