Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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