you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
