i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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