Your mouth is God's brothel.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
