if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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