I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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