i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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