I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
