i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
