It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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