Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
