So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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