Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
