dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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