I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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