He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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