I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
