ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
