she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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