she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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