OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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