You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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