Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
