i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
