he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
