im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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