That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
