you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
