plz talk dirty to me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
